Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
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Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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