I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
