Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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