i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
