Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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