in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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