You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
