Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
