I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
