If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think i have two assholes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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