Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want to make out with him forever
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
