Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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