The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
