You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
