we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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