I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
