I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
