oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
