You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
