Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
