smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
