Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
