I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
