I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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