He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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