Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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