I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
