So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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