I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Text me some of your sweat
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