my vag is so smooth its legendary
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
