kristin has been a bad kristin
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
