I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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