I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
