What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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