just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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