someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
