it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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