i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
