I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
