i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
