Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
