You can't motorboat a personality
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
