Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize