so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
