Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize