my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
