Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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