i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In other news, I just burned my penis
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
