It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
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in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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