8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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