what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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