I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
