dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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