Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
