I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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