I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize