it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
