I need help removing her.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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