You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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