Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
