Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
