Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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