Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was born a porn star she said
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
