im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
