Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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